Category Archives: Lighter Side

COPY AND PASTE NIGHTMARE

With the pandemic and social distancing forcing lots of free time on us these days, we are probably doing things we wouldn’t normally do. I certainly am. I’m spending lots of time on social media to see what others are doing to take the boredom out of the day-to-day grind. I bet many of you are doing the same thing.

If you are, I’m sure you’ve seen many posts on social media platforms asking you to “copy and paste” this or that to your timeline. I know someone I’ll refer to as Billy Bob who was reluctant to try, but some of his friends kept telling him it was easy. They encouraged him to take the plunge into the copy and paste pool—everybody is doing it, they said. It’s easy, Billy Bob.

Well, Billy Bob finally succumbed to peer-pressure—he decided to copy and paste something to his time line. Unfortunately, his decision turned into his worst nightmare. The following is Billy Bob’s NIGHTMARE that he wanted me to share in hopes of preventing others from becoming victims of a similar experience.

COPY AND PASTE NIGHTMARE

Billy Bob acknowledged that making the copy was the easy part—he used the copy machine at work to make a crisp, clean copy. It was after pasting the copy to his computer monitor that his nightmare began. When he pasted the message to his timeline, it completely covered his news feed on the screen—he could no longer scroll his news feed up or down on the monitor. He tried rebooting his computer many times, but that didn’t help resolve the problem.

Not knowing how to correct his problem, Billy Bob decided to call the Greek Dudes at the local Better Buy store for assistance. A dude named Darth Trader politely asked how he could help. Billy Bob told him he had copied and pasted some text to his social media timeline using a generous amount of Godzilla Glue. Billy Bob said Darth started laughing—uncontrollably—hysterically would probably be a better description of Darth’s euphoric outburst.

Finally, between belly laughs and snorts, Darth told Billy Bob that the Godzilla glue caused the problem. Darth said most people use Elmo’s glue when they copy and paste information to their social media timelines—Godzilla Glue is just much too strong.

Darth asked Billy Bob to bring his computer and monitor to the store and he’d help him the best he could. Billy Bob said Darth was still belly laughing at this point.

Feeling a bit frustrated, Billy Bob made the trip to the local Better Buy store with his computer system in hand and asked to speak to Darth. Darth came to the counter and started laughing when Billy Bob introduced himself. After a quick look at the monitor, Darth advised Billy Bob that the only way to correct the problem would be for him to buy a new monitor along with a new computer.

I have often suspected that Billy Bob wasn’t the sharpest thorn in the blackberry patch, but Darth’s suggestions sounded a bit strange—even to him. That’s when Billy Bob decided to check that truth or fiction internet website, SnoopyKnowsBest.

He asked Snoopy if copying and pasting to his social media timeline using Godzilla Glue was a bad idea.

The following is the response Billy Bob received from SnoopyKnowsBest:

Dude, are you serious?!? If you are, please stop

using a computer before you hurt someone!!!

With his ego deflated by Snoopy’s mind-numbing response, Billy Bob went back to see Darth at Better Buy and purchased a new $6,000 computer/monitor system. Darth even offered to discard Billy Bob’s old computer system at no charge. Billy Bob asked Darth what he was going to do with the damaged computer and monitor and Darth said, “Trust me, they’re worthless. Don’t worry about it. You’ll like your new system. Go home and copy and paste something again. If you have any more problems, I’ll be happy to help you again. I love customers like you.”

Billy Bob thanked Darth for his help and went home to setup his new computer system. I don’t know if he has ventured back into the copy and paste world though. In fact, I haven’t heard anything from Billy Bob in a week. I should probably give him a call to make sure he’s safe as the pandemic continues.

Be a blessing unto others, and please remember—don’t use Godzilla Glue when you copy and paste things to your social media timeline! Don’t do as Billy Bob did or you will be visiting Darth Trader in the near future!

++++++++++

+++ MY FINAL THOUGHTS +++

If you’re smiling right now, bless you! Maybe you’ve crossed paths with someone like “Billy Bob” in your life also. Heck, you may even be wondering if this story is true?

They say confession is good for the soul, so with that in mind, I must confess that I’ve had a few “Billy-Bob” moments in my life. Hmmm, think about that, but be nice because I’m going to discuss a computer situation with Darth Trader tomorrow morning—hoping he can help me avoid a nightmare.

I pray you and yours stay safe and well during this pandemic and things return to “normal” very soon.

God bless each of you,

Tom Tatum – Author – 2020

Amazon author page: http://www.amazon.com/author/tomtatum

Twitter: @TomTatumAuthor

LinkedIn: TomTatum1

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SMALL ADJUSTMENT CHANGED MY GAME

I’ve heard that life without a little bit of humor and a dash of fantasy can be boring! Sometimes we must dare to explore the outer fringes of reality in order to find enjoyment with things we do. With that in mind, please proceed with caution.

I actually made a resolution this year, which is something I don’t normally do. It wasn’t anything noble such as saving the whales or helping bring peace in the world. It was simply for me to find a way to experience some success playing a game I love—used to love is probably more appropriate in recent years.

You see, I’ve been playing golf for about fifty years, which amounts to over five thousand rounds chasing a little white ball around in the great outdoors. I started each round with the goal of scoring par (72) or lower. I think I have succeeded two times in my life, which gives a paltry success rate of 0.04%. Obviously, that’s not very good. In fact, it’s downright disgusting, frustrating, and borders on a level of insanity no one should endure.

Why would anyone want to continue doing something when the odds of failure are a whopping 99.96% that they will? Crazy, right? I certainly wouldn’t gamble in a Vegas casino with those odds. Heck, I probably wouldn’t try to walk across a street if the odds were 99.96% that I wouldn’t reach the other side safely.

Therefore, I reached a time in life when I had to do something to improve my less than 1% success rate with golf or quit playing. I decided it was time for me to get some help for my depressingly horrible golf game because I didn’t want to quit.

No, I didn’t seek advice from a psychiatrist, although that would probably be a good idea too. I simply presented my problem to a local golfing guru, Slice Woods. After spending ten minutes watching me hit a few shots, Slice told me all I needed to do was make one small adjustment—anyone can do it, he said. Really?

I was doubtful at first, but I did as Slice suggested. I even joined a local league and my results have been amazing! I now score 72 or lower every time I play. That’s almost a 100% success rate! Unbelievable, right? I wish I had made this small change fifty years ago. I’m so excited that I’m considering trying to qualify for the senior tour next year. What? Seriously?!?

So, what small change did Slice suggest I make? He said it was time for me to start using the one-hand-three-finger grip. At first, I thought he had lost his mind. I couldn’t image how that would help me. I had serious reservations about Slice’s abilities as an instructor until he showed me exactly how easy it was to do.

I admit, on my first dozen or so attempts, the ball still had a mind of its own and didn’t go exactly in the direction I was aiming. I was discouraged, but Slice encouraged me to keep trying. After several more attempts, the one-hand-three-finger grip actually started working perfectly—I even hit a pin.

Yay! I had discovered, with Slice’s help of course, a secret method for scoring well in golf—just about every time! It’s great being able to enjoy the fruits of my new grip!

The great part about this simple change is I only had to sacrifice a few things. I no longer walk around in the clean-fresh air on neatly trimmed grass, chase tiny-white balls around in the snake-infested woods, or look at scenery like this:

Because of my one-hand-three-finger grip, I now have the pleasure of walking around indoors on hardwood floors. The ball returns to me automatically and there are no beautiful landscapes to distract me from my game. In addition, I get to play on the same fairway the entire round. How cool is that?

This is now my new view for the entire match:

In order to help make my transition go a little smoother, I actually use a bowling ball that looks just like a golf ball, only it’s much larger—much, much larger and weighs 15 pounds!

My game is now awesome! Oh, what crazy things frustrated golfers will do to score a smooth 72! I even use a golf scorecard to record my bowling scores and that makes me feel a whole lot better about my golf game.

The best part comes when I’m sitting around the table after a match talking to the guys. I can’t help but chuckle to myself. They actually think their bowling scores of 260 or higher are good, but I know better. My score is usually 72 or lower, and they have no idea how happy it makes me. I proudly yell, “I shot a 72 today! Yay!”

I can’t wait to tell my golfing buddies about scoring 72 or lower just about every time I play. They are going to be so jealous! Unfortunately, there are two huge downsides—I can’t tell them what game or where I’ve been playing. Now, that’s a bummer of gigantic proportions! Oops! I think I just told them.

Oh, there’s another bonus because of my grip change. Unlike golf, bowling allows me to play every day of the year—rain, shine, sleet, snow, and even at night! Who needs all that good-fresh air and the beautiful sights of the great outdoors to enjoy life when you can do it in a bowling alley where the weather is always perfect? Right? Right? I can’t hear you!

If you think about it, there really are some similarities between golfing and bowling:

Both have pins that are your targets

Both are best played down the middle

Both require controlled hooks and slices

Both are played using spherical balls

Both have birdies: eagles in golf and turkeys in bowling

Both require good hand eye coordination

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you know I’m joking about all this. Please forgive me if my little golf-bowling juxtaposition offended any avid bowlers out there. That was certainly not my intent. Although I’m not worth a flying-zip-a-dee-doo-dah at golf or bowling, I simply prefer playing golf to bowling and no other sport allowed me to make the juxtaposition effectively.

Yes, I know bowling a 72 is a horrible score, but it’s certainly a great score for a duffer in golf. If you enjoy bowling over golf, that’s super! Bowling is also a great sport that requires lots of skill and concentration.

I have also found that people bowling in the lane next to me don’t appreciate me yelling, “FORE!” when my ball jumps the gutter into their lane, which happens often. I’m not sure if they’re getting mad at me for yelling fore or because I occasionally knock down a couple of their pins. Hey, I’m trying my best.

On a serious note, use your spare time doing things that make you happy, even if you have to use a juxtaposition to do so. Life is too short to do otherwise!

Enjoy your game no matter what it is, and remember, you can always juxtapose it when your game goes south.

Looking forward to seeing you at the bowling alley—I mean the golf course.

Tom Tatum – Author – 2018

Amazon author page: http://www.amazon.com/author/tomtatum

Twitter: @TomTatumAuthor  LinkedIn: TomTatum1

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NEW RULES TURNING GOLF UPSIDE DOWN

This is Chip Shotmaster of GOLF TV reporting to you from the headquarters of the TUSGA, one of golf’s new governing associations. TUSGA President, Slice Hook, no relation to Captain Hook, just made an announcement about two significant changes to the rules of golf that will turn the golfing world upside down—literally. These changes are to go into effect immediately.

Both changes were unanimous decisions by the TUSGA board of directors after having received numerous complaints about the antiquated scoring method used to determine winners in golf.

The now defunct method created too much emotional stress for the players in today’s “participation trophy” society. These changes will create more opportunities for lesser skilled players to receive first-place trophies.

In addition to scoring changes, golf’s callous, politically incorrect term used to define player capabilities is unacceptable. The policy of ranking player’s abilities based on their average scores is cruel and demeaning. The concept known here to date as “handicap” is no longer applicable.

The two rules are as stated below:

Mr. Hook added, “The TUSGA board members noticed a substantial increase in the number of birdies, eagles, and albatrosses being shot by players around the world and felt it was their duty to protect all fowl. By making the highest score in golf the winner as is done in all other sports, we believe fewer players will have the desire to shoot these fine-feathered creatures of the sky. It’s a win-win situation for the fowl and the less talented players around the world. We will be putting pressure on the PGA, R&A, USGA, and LPGA organizations to implement similar changes to the rules of golf.”

Chip Shotmaster: “Mr. Hook, many people may not be aware of your organization. Can you tell our viewers what the acronym, TUSGA, means?

Slice Hook: “Sure Chip. TUSGA is the Total Unlimited Scoring Golf Association. It’s an organization devoted to bolstering the efforts of less talented golfers and protecting wildlife at the same time. These two recent changes will also lower the cost per stroke for all golfers and make the game more affordable for all who love the game.”

“Mr. Hook, won’t these changes also increase the time required to play eighteen holes of golf?”

Slice Hook: “That’s one of the wonderful side effects these changes will have on the game, Chip. They allow players to consume most of a day to play one round. We expect many players might start pushing to make golf a nine-hole event—at least that’s what the TUSGA is considering in the future.”

Chip Shotmaster: “Thank you, Mr. Hook. Folks, that’s the golfing news of today. The TSUGA is definitely turning the golfing world upside down. Now, back to the studio with Kitty Woods for more details on how these changes will impact the 2018 Masters.”

Kitty Woods: “Thank you for that report, Chip. Now, for more on the Masters…”

Tom Tatum – Author – 2018

Amazon author page: http://www.amazon.com/author/tomtatum

Twitter: @TomTatumAuthor

LinkedIn: TomTatum1

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